Your (my) hard working husband has texted that he’s had a long day and will be there shortly. The house has toys and baby puff food scattered about. Laundry machines and Roomba are going. The baby is fussy. A feeling of impending doom is coming down with the fear that upon his arrival, he will wish he’d stayed in the office a little longer.

There is one thing I know to do in this situation. Distraction. But how to open the darn bottle with baby clinging to your core?

I’m really proud of this one.

Stick the cold (we may skip showers but we aren’t heathens) beer bottle in the sink’s garbage disposal. Wedge it in firmly. Use free hand to grab the opener and put it to use. Use same hand to put opener away and throw cap in trash. Better not to have that loose to go down garbage disposal later.

If house is really messy (or hair I’m not judging) put a beer glass in hand holding baby. Use free hand to pour beer, captivating the child and teaching new words like cold, glass, etc.

There. You’ve taught the kid vocabulary, distracted your husband from the unused vacuum sitting out, and you’ve accomplished something one handed at the same time. Now pour yourself a drink because you’ve worked hard today.